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Monday, October 16th, 2006
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9:34 am - books books! a shameless plug
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The following is an email I sent to a few friends this morning. Writing it, I realized that even if I wanted to keep the thing quiet, it would be great to have it here for all to read. So here it is :)
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Contrary to how many recepients there are to this email, this is actually rather private.
To get to the point, there's a school in Fairview called Fiore del Carmelo (Flower of Carmel) run by Carmelite nuns. It's like a normal private school run by nuns, although a much smaller one with a student population of 200 I think, but the difference is they have quite a few non-paying students from the squatters' area nearby attending the school, subsidized by donations and partly I think by the tuition of the paying students.
Of course they need money but that's not what I'm writing to you about. If you or your friends or your parents are interested in sponsoring a child, email me privately and I'll tell you the details. I know some, if not a lot, of you are not entirely for Catholic education from nuns (I sometimes have the same thoughts myself ;) ) but an education for any poor child who wishes to learn is worth supporting I believe.
Anyway back to my original point. I'm writing to you people specifically because when I went to their place recently to shoot a solicitation video, I saw their library and it disturbed me. The place was smaller than my living room but what was worse, they barely had any books at all. Most were workbooks, the kind they use for math or language exercises.
They didn't have real books, you know? The kind that we read as children to make us the kind of people we are now. Personally, if a grade 3 teacher of mine hadn't prodded my class on to borrow a book, any book, from the library, I wouldn't be where I am now. I wouldn't have accomplished half of what I have. The point was to experience another world I think, and to experience that was close to dreaming. And dreaming got us places didn't it?
But in their case, even if you went to the library, there was nothing there to read.
So my proposition, my dear friends. I was thinking, if you would be kind enough to give a copy of your favorite childhood book, the school will very much appreciate it. Not that the school knows yet, btw. I have a mind to just go there and surprise them with a box (or bag) full of books from us. :P The book doesn't have to be new of course, it'll do the same thing. I think I'll be getting new ones though because there's nothing like the sight of a brand spanking new book to get you to want to read it. Plus knowing how kids handle books, it'll get old right away hahahha.
Btw before I forget, these are nursery to Grade 5 students. Next year, if they have enough funding, they'll continue on to Grade 6. So please make the books appropriate for these ages. ;)
So there, is it too much to ask? I'm willing to pick up your book/s from wherever you are, except Sta. Rosa, Laguna, or hey maybe even there! If you don't have time to go out to get the book yourself, I'll be willing to pick up your cash and look for your specific book myself. If you want, you can write your name on the book as donor so it'll be more special. And of course, feel free to share more than one book! Tell your relatives, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, their friends, employers, employees, anyone! Any person who you think was moved enough by a book that would be willing to pay it forward to children who otherwise would've never had the chance to read it.
I'm so excited thinking what kind of collection we'll be able to gather up! If you guys left me alone on this, those kids would be stuck in 19th century Europe with all the Western classics I'd be feeding them. :P So pls pls pls I hope you can help! Finding sponsors for a kid to get to attend the school is great, that's what my mom is helping them with, but I think it's just as important to make them stay in school. I think books can do that. I know you think so to. :) There are so many little ways we can help!
You can reply to all or email me privately. Thank you for your time. :) I don't know if I'm effective at all right now. I don't know how to do these things. But there. Books. Kids. Help. Happy.
Thanks :D
current mood:  hopeful
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, September 27th, 2006
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7:28 pm
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I haven't written in a while, and there's not much to write.
- 4 music videos, 2 avp's, a week's worth of feature film making, a week of Kodak workshop, a crazy carnival of a movie premiere
- a long, hard breakup; a long, fun, sad, and honest talk (with naps at both ends); a long, tremendous, repeating depression
Things have been good but I think I'm in a slump.
I need something new and I need the old things back.
current mood:  listless
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, July 26th, 2006
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1:38 pm - more more!
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NINE LASTS:
9. last place you were: the big green couch in the living room
8. last cigarette: never had a first, though I've been pointedly asked to take one last week
7. last beverage: water
6. last movie seen: Superman, for the 3rd time. Not including repeats, Nacho Libre
5. last call: Noel, to wake him up
4. last CD played: that beautiful people music Noel made for me :P
3. last bubble bath: probably Bangkok, 2005
2. last time you cried: last night
1. last alcoholic drink: saturday
EIGHT HAVE YOU EVERS:
8. have you ever dated someone twice: uh, no?
7. have you ever been cheated on: yes
6. have you ever cheated on someone: no
5. have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it: no
4. have you ever fallen in love: yup
3. have you ever lost someone: yes
2. have you ever been depressed: yes
1. have you ever been drunk and thrown up: nope
SEVEN PLACES YOU'VE RECENTLY BEEN TO:
7. Festival Mall
6. Rockwell
5. Greenbelt
4. Metrobank Tandang Sora
3. Our Lady of Consolation Parish Church
2. Chris's pad in Chris's building in Timog
1. Kopi Roti Tomas Morato
SIX THINGS YOU'VE DONE TODAY:
6. read the paper thoroughly
5. cleaned my inbox a bit more
4. updated my blog
3. sent the revised list of technical requirements to my director through email
2. informed my gaffer of the details of our next shoot
1. asked about a DVD/miniDV copy of a short I shot and about breeders of a fila brasiliero(?) dog
FIVE PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO:
5. Ate
4. Papa
3. Luna
2. Noel
1. May and Tanya (package deal ;))
FOUR PLACES YOU WANNA GO TO:
4. Italy, with a week in each major city
3. France
2. Cambodia
1. England
THREE FAVORITE COLORS
3. white
2. light yellow
1. green
TWO THINGS I WANNA DO BEFORE I DIE
1. shoot a nice period epic film I'll be proud of
2. travel most of the interesting places in the world
ONE THING THAT'S ON MY MIND RIGHT NOW
what time I'm leaving tonight
current mood:  sleepy
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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11:28 am - hullo!
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Sorry for my prolonged absence. It's been months hasn't it? Well nothing better for a comeback than a meme:
5 Rants:
1. I miss frisbee :( I know they're still playing even with the rain as I assume it's training for the monsoon league but I always get work or some other thing on frisbee days. I must find time to go back and use my newish cleats for a 2nd time. I haven't used my football socks even! Sub-rant: I haven't exercised at all for months, gym or otherwise.
2. I have no money. Well my measly TF for an old, old project which can get me by for a month is stuck with someone who's leaving the country in 2 days and will be gone for 3 weeks. My next TFs will be around next week. My ATM account is in its minimum maintaining balance for now hahaha!
3. I haven't been very nice recently.
I cannot think of further rants.
Ok wait here's another.
4. I can't seem to get myself to stay put and continuously read Umberto Eco's The Flame of Queen Loana which is a shame because it's a very interesting book conceptually. It's very pretty to look at :)
5. I don't think I've been studying cinematography much hmm...
5 Raves:
1. We have our own Jollibee!!! There's a new Jollibee that opened right beside our subdivision's gate. One night Noel and I even saw a huge truck delivering Jollibee's head and the next morning it's up there high in the sky! And the store opens today!
2. Last night in an outburst of bettering myself, I opened again this interesting self-help book I owned called The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari which is silly sometimes but is great the other times. I read there a helpful analogy: We are all powerful racecars, equipped with the best parts and capable of doing great things and going a long way, but all racecars need a pitstop because you'll only ruin your engine if you keep it running too fast for too long.
I like that :) It's what I didn't realize I needed until it happened and different people were telling it to me in different ways. The Star Cinema gig was really the inciting incident. I've pledged all my time with that movie, even if I don't need to be there, because of friendship and because, well, it's a movie so I excused myself from Shayne with her blessings, and then I've been told and I realized it too at the same time that I don't need to be there all the time anyway so I found time to stay at home, got a fantastic project somewhere along the way, and in the middle of scheduling meetings and actually attending them, finding time to stay at home even more :P Which I didn't realize I needed terribly.
3. Last night I dreamt that our dog Cairo gave birth to 6 puppies, 2 of which were born dead :( The great thing about it is I take it as a good omen since she's been mated recently and we're just waiting to see if she's pregnant :) The funny thing about it though is that in my dream, out of the 4 newborn puppies, one didn't look like hers at all :P It was a fluffy little gray dog, the puppy-size of a medium sized dog. Cairo is a mini pinscher, a brown one. So essentially, that supposed puppy of hers was the same size as she was, and they weren't the same breed of dog at all! :D
4. There have been problems and we have been quiet but last night we realized it and we decided to talk more and pray more, which is how we started off anyway. Everything's better already :)
5. Happy projects! First Day High The Movie (the Star Cinema gig), the 2 videos for Gary V's anniversary concert. There is enough happiness in those projects to last me the year. I'm totally thrilled by them it's just ridiculous :P
current mood:  silly
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, March 9th, 2006
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9:52 pm - other changes
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I noticed that I don't obsessively take care of my books as much as before. By obsessive I mean that I immediately wrapped them in plastic cover after buying them; never lent them to anyone; made sure that they weren't opened past what the covers could handle; made sure they were stored/stacked/positioned properly wherever they were, be it on the shelves, on a table, in a bag, on the car seat, etc; freaked out when the pages got dirty or folded up no matter how small the fold was...
Is this saying something about me laying off a few anal parts?
current mood:  relaxed
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, March 1st, 2006
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3:12 pm
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| Monday, February 27th, 2006
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7:55 pm
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I hear this practically everyday as my mom uses Jesuit Music Ministry songs for her prayers. Yesterday at mass they sung this and it touched me particularly. (How fitting is it that this was written for Ninoy and Cory and we're celebrating the Edsa anniversary? Rather, we did not celebrate it.)
Maybe because I feel like I've been selfish recently. Hmmm.
Where there is fear I can allay
Where there is pain I can heal
Where there are wounds I can bind
And hunger I can fill
REFRAIN:
Lord, grant me courage
Lord, grant me strength
Grant me compassion
That I may be Your heart today
Where there is hate I can confront
Where there are yokes I can release
Where there are captives I can free
And anger I can appease (REFRAIN)
BRIDGE:
When comes the day I dread
To see our broken world
Compel me from my cell grown cold
That Your people I may behold
Where there is fear I can allay
Where there is pain I can heal
Where there are wounds I can bind
And hunger I can fill (REFRAIN)
CODA:
And when I've done all that I could
Yet there are hearts I cannot move
Lord, give me hope
That I may be Your heart today
current mood:  thoughtful
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, February 24th, 2006
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2:18 pm - Loyalty. Progress. Artistry.
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Jarhead, Munich, The New World, Brokeback, Memoirs... Next week there's Capote and Pride and Prejudice. Soon after that will be Casanova. Rent should find itself here some time soon, as should Good Night and Good Luck if it does well in the Oscars as the McCarthyism theme is very American. There was an insane series of shoots last week and I've died and gone to cinematography heaven. sigh. :)
So this week on my long rest, apart from fiercely grabbing every opportunity to watch a great film, I found myself reading up on them in my American Cinematographer. They've piled up unread since the time I decided not to read the articles until I've seen the films (they tend to have spoilers, as I found out when I read up on Batman Begins). Now the films are here and I'm reading the articles one after another after another.
I just finished Jarhead, Memoirs, The New World, and Brokeback. Am currently on Munich. Roger Deakins, Dion Beebe, Emmanuel (Chivo) Lubezki, Rodrigo Prieto, Janusz Kaminski. 3 consecutive issues feature my cinematography gods of all time; one even features 2 at the same time (Chivo and Rodrigo).
I want to be an ASC.
Honestly, I've stopped wanting to become one, or at least I've stopped hoping I'd become one. There were too many factors that I do not control, like the production of a world-class film that I'd be part of that would be noticed internationally. In film school I wanted to be the first Filipino female director of photography to be a member of the ASC and was plotting my life out as such. (Ike would be the first Filipino director of photography, as he always said he wanted to be. Matthew Libatique [Pi, Requiem for a Dream] doesn't count as he doesn't live nor work here). I think it just occurred to me to dream the dreams I can realistically achieve. The ASC membership is a goal to work for, an ideal to reach; but I shouldn't expect to reach it at all.
After seeing those films, Memoirs being the most recent, I'm starting to hope that maybe I could work at it again. It's definitely not impossible; people have overcome greater obstacles in life. Even if people won't admit it, myself included, there is something I have at the back of my head: there is at least one project I did not get because I'm a girl. I have devised and am devising a number of ways to destroy this thought in me and hopefully destroy it in other people as well. Again, I'm very lucky to be learning under Shayne who is definitely one of the few women who cleared the path for the rest of us. It's now my job to cement it.
At the end of every AC issue there's a portion called "ASC Close-Up" that features a different DOP every time who answers the same question. I found myself answering these questions today ;P Come on, humor me. :)
( if you can't beat them, join them; if you can't join them, pretend )
I got this from the Munich issue, written by Richard Crudo, current ASC president.
( How To Be A Member Of The ASC )
*rubbing of hands* Let's get to work.
current mood:  artistic
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, February 14th, 2006
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10:17 pm
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Nothing to say except that twinnie and I are twinnies :)
Happy balentayms! I have shoots everyday until the end of the month. vague sigh.
You fit in with:
Spiritualism
Your ideals are mostly spiritual, but in an individualistic way. While spirituality is very important in your life, organized religion itself may not be for you. It is best for you to seek these things on your own terms.
60% spiritual.
60% reason-oriented.
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Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com
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current mood: sleepy
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, February 7th, 2006
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3:17 pm - big life things
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There's nothing like having to clean up one's cellphone inbox to clean up one's life, or clear up one's perspective. And it's something one has to do, something that has been imposed. Imposed by the words [Message memory almost full]. If you don't delete old words, old thoughts, old feelings, you won't have space for new ones. New words, new thoughts, new feelings. New bookings, new projects, new schedules. New silly jokes, new words of wisdom, new forwarded messages from people who got them as forwarded messages.
The cellphone can only take so much. So can a human being, I guess. Time to write the old messages down and tuck them away :)
I think I've been losing my balance. I haven't tottered over, thankfully, but it's been...well it's been noisy. Noisy and busy. I've been running on adrenaline for a while and I'm glad to feel it's running out now. That means I'm normalizing again. Hopefully.
Balance between being crazy and responsible. Between being brave and scared. Between working and resting. Between being confident and being humble. Between sticking to my ground and backing down. Between taking care of my body and leaving it alone to be what it is.
I've been told before I had a zen thing. Not quite, not quite.
Working with production people I haven't worked with before always gets me the same questions, to which I give now standardized answers. "How long have you been with Shayne?" (as of today, a year and 7 months) "How did you know of her?" (by reputation, I always say half-jokingly) "Was she your first/only choice?" (yes and no [elaboration given if questioned further]) "How did you contact her?" (through my client-dad's agency friends, texted her, called her up, etc etc).
Yesterday I was asked these questions again. Everytime I do, it never fails to inspire in me a feeling of wonder and awe at how things have worked out for me. This is where I'm supposed to be. This is who I'm supposed to be learning from. This is how I should be learning it. God, the universe, made it work specifically this way specifically for me.
Which makes me think about other things, if they're specifically like this specifically for me. Hmm...
Then the production people asked me if I was happy with what I'm doing (of course I said yes). Then, the production people of yesterday, they said something that hasn't been said to me before. Something priceless. Nakikita naman sa yo eh.
Hmm :)
current mood: hopeful
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Thursday, January 12th, 2006
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10:46 pm - a long december...
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Party Mode. That's what I attribute my blogging absence to. It's over now, party mode, as Tanya said it eventually ought to be. I've been told of, and have hung out with, people whose default mode is, apparently, party mode. I must say I'm rather glad it's over now. It wasn't me, I wasn't like that, it was an effort being in it, fun though it all was. Now I see that I can live with party mode once in a while but not all the time. That's one more thing I've just found out about myself.
I have images. And a theory of images. One of the best stories I like in Einstein's Dreams is that one about time and memories being like still photographs, and it lists a series of beautiful images.
My theory is when you're part of something, you don't see it as images. I'm talking of relationships, work, thoughts, activities, events, everything, anything. While you're in it, while you're there, you're too busy being there and living it, which is a good thing, I believe, instead of living it and being part of it as a security camera, stock still and snapping off images to store in some database. Not actually being there.
The images they come after. I think before too, but I have to think about it first.
And I have a number of lovely images, about all sorts of things. :) I think I'll be writing them down in my real journal. I should do that more often. :)
I'll blog again next time. I'm just warming up.
current mood: contemplative
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, November 29th, 2005
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4:10 pm - basilfest
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Got to listening "Ngayon at Kailanman" and "Tuwing Umuulan at Kapiling Ka".
This is how love sounds like. happy sigh.
I love great songs :)
current mood:  chipper
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1:47 pm
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It's raining heavily right now. I love rain.
Making my dad's TVC, I've realized a few things about myself. I think I'm handling work stress much better than say, 2 years ago or a year ago, or even just a few months ago. Certain things (like shooting a lot) and certain people (including myself) have taught me that there is no need to get overly worked up about something, about schedules getting tight and things not going as planned, even if/especially when everyone else is getting worked up about it already. The last thing a stressful situation needs is another stressed person in the mix. I think I'm shedding off my Type A skin. I'm partially molting.
That being said, I admit that most, if not all, of the stress in the work can be attributed to me. To my slacking off. I've also realized that I slack off differently now as opposed to a couple of months ago. But but...
There's a thin line between relaxing and slacking off, a line I somehow need to define to myself, as recent events have blurred it with a smudge stick. I'd like to think of this as a good thing because as one changes lines change as well. This is a good thing I hope. I hope. I think.
Shayne's back! And we've worked already and have gone out to talk! About all sorts of things! At last, normalcy being restored. Order and anchors and all that.
Things are still generally happy, but not as crazy. I think I like this better.
current mood: complacent
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, November 15th, 2005
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1:04 pm
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Every man is where he is by the law of his being; the thoughts which he has built into his character have brought him there, and in the arrangement of his life there is no element of chance, but all result of a law which cannot err.
Man is buffeted by circumstances so long as he believes himself to be the creature of outside conditions, but when he realizes that he is a creative power, and that he may command the hidden soil and seeds of his being out of which his circumstances grow, he then becomes the rightful master of himself.
That circumstances grow out of thought every man knows who has for any length of time practised self-control and self-purification, for he will notice that the alteration in his circumstances has been in exact ratio with his altered mental condition.
( where this came from )
( why I decided to write a blog entry today of all days )
( nature vs grace )
current mood: contemplative
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| Friday, November 4th, 2005
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2:11 pm - All That Jazz - The Movie
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I feel like I have to make a reference to it. It's a brilliant movie. It quite feels like what my life is like right now. Dark and bright, generally in limbo while looking ahead at a very undefined future, but with such entertaining circus-like fanfare all around.
I think I should go see it again.
Segue to...jazz night. Again, I won't try to explain what it was like at the risk of reducing it to mere vocabulary. Let me just say, regardless of my frustrations that I can't really play/make music, I just remembered why I love music so much. And why that's already more than enough. :)
Today I'm allowing myself to be depressed. Today only. No sense extending it longer than that. ;) At 1a Nov. 5 I plan to take 1 shot of tequila to mark certain significant things (that have changed). Given some parental hassles as a result of aforementioned jazz night, I hope I do get to pull it off.
current mood:  morose
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, October 27th, 2005
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3:32 pm - rainydayjazzday
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I got home at 4a from yet another shoot. It's been 3 consecutive shoots that have been going well over 20 hours. Kind of unusual for TVCs if you think about it. Then again it's the end of the year and companies are already without budget. Cheaper to pay overtime than pay for another shooting day.
So today I woke up at 11:30a to find that the day is lovely. It's perfectly cold, with perfect rain, with perfect peace and quiet. It's overwhelmingly beautiful and it's beyond words. It's music. It's a photograph. It's an emotion.
The past few days I've gotten into bad slumps of hopelessness. It's for all sorts of reasons, rather attached to all sorts of people who have all sorts of big life things they're thinking about. I got drizzled on last night at the shoot and hence I have the beginnings of a bad cold. I have bank errands that ideally have to be done by today so as to avoid the wild friday-end-of-the-month/pre-long-weekend bank rush tomorrow.
But today is not a day for hopelessness and bad colds and bank errands. Today is quiet rest with a light sweater and jazz music. Today is when things stop for a while, and a few seconds, a few minutes pop in where you can say with all of your heart "this is perfect". And, just like it says in Reality Bites, by the time you say it's perfect, the moment just disappears. Today is not like that. Even if it disappears, another minute comes in after a while that can make you say "this is perfect" again. Today is a collection of those little perfect minutes popping in and out.
I'd like to end that previous paragraph with "Today is perfect". How dramatic that would be! It isn't, however; not quite. It's just a day when things stop, with little perfect minutes scattered about. It's almost perfect.
I'm perfectly happy with it. :)
current mood: content
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| Thursday, October 20th, 2005
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10:21 am - wake up wonderland
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I was reminded of this last night. This morning I remembered that I forgot to include it in my track listing for my ultimate breakup CD.
I listened to The Beatles' "For No One" and got teary-eyed a bit. Not for anything particular (you know...), but it's a moving song. And I know what it meant.
So, this:
( I caught a firefly once and set it free )
Wake up it's a beautiful morning! The sun shining for your eyes. Wake up it's so beautiful for what could be the very last time ;)
I can see a day of happyclappy Britpop ahead!
current mood: chipper
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, October 18th, 2005
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10:30 pm - Jack Handy
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11:34 am - so I say thank you for the music!
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| Monday, October 17th, 2005
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11:22 am - "I've got so much funky shit inside my brain I couldn't explain couldn't explain..."
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I've been suffering from migraines the past, oh, 5 days. The first 2 days were not so bad, just your usual mild thumping, a rather good beat actually, as were/are these last 2 days. But the 3rd day was a mess. Think death metal with trance with microphone feedback and that feeling described in Bram Stoker's Dracula where, upon becoming a vampire, you can hear the blood rushing and pumping in your body and then it stops when you've turned into a full-fledged vampire and then you can hear it from everybody else's. Pair it off with a 24 hr shoot with a rather strange Fil-Canadian director whose niceness level I can't quite gauge and one of the fussiest ad agencies ever. Perfect.
I can usually hack off a 24 hr shoot. I've done it a couple of times before. Not, however, with a migraine. A really bad one at that. So sometime on the 20th hour of shooting, I found myself leaving the set, for the 2nd time the whole day to get away from the lights, and suddenly crying. Tears were just coming out of my eyes. The migraine was killing me, my lips can't form a smile no matter how much I tried and stayed in this upset pout, I was tired and sleepy, and somehow in the middle of all that I was thinking that scary thought again: maybe I wasn't cut out to be a DOP...
Lights trigger and aggravate migraines. Talk about an occupational hazard.
But damn it I swore I'll fight it out. So I stuck it out, the whole day of intense pain, shrugged off whatever I was feeling and worked however way I could. I could have left, and Shayne would have let me. But then I figured, if I was the DOP already I can't just leave. So I stayed and stayed, even on that 20th hour when I was on the FGM Studio couch crying, thinking yet another scary thought: if I have to undergo acupuncture as my mom says I should, then so be it.
Acupuncture is one of my big unreasonable fears. No matter how much anyone tells me it doesn't hurt, I'm still afraid of having it done. Yes, even if I've undergone a fracture, a couple of minor surgeries, and numerous eyebrow threadings, I'm scared. Acupuncture and CT scans. No thanks.
But then for this stupid genetic ailment I have I guess I'll do it. I've had a CT scan for the same reason, might as well have the acupuncture...
:(
In any case, I survived due in great part to nice friendly text messages throughout the day and a nice friendly phone call. Nice friendly things get you out of the dumps, migraine dumps or otherwise. :)
So thank you chox, flipperbaby, and ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1) opts. :) Thank you emanila for having that gig which meant the first 2 boys were still up by 6a. Thank you Dante for your birthday party which meant the latter one got home at 6:30a, same time I did. Thank you dolphinfluff and punchdrunkslob for the same reason, kasi kayo raw yung kakulitan ni opts ;) Thanks friends.
Now I'm off to rest.
current mood:  groggy
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blah
lethargic